Diary of blue-haired Annie, chapter 3
Day1 20220414 Apartment sold!
It’s a good start and a nice ending by selling our apartment right before the Easter holiday. What a relax must say to finally achieve all these tasks and affairs. The selling looked not so bright in the beginning even though we got amazingly decoration, pictures and 10 groups of people came to visit our place. The broker called around and first told us that a man was worried about the wall in the kitchen might gain problem which is not actually so he wanted to start bidding from 1.5 million(our starting price is 1.85m).
We were quite crushed emotionally when we heard that. However, 15 minutes later, the broker gave us call again and told us that he got an super great news that another buyer wanted to start bidding from 2 million directly since there’re around 4 persons want to bid and the broker suggested higher price can drive away people quite efficiently as strategy.
The unanticipated news make us release so much that we couldn’t help but laugh out happily since 2 million is definitely a perfect expectation we can get since both of our balconies doesn’t have closed glasses. I was a bit worried about not to start bidding directly but to wait until tomorrow that even an angel might change his mind.
It was a long night and long morning to live until the bidding started. I tried my best to stay calm and carry on. When it was 10 o’clock, I started a meeting with college and talked about a new project I’ll be co-working with them which is quite important to change my working situation recently and it was also when we got the message that the bidding started. There were 2 bidders and they put 2m and 2.025m, after that was 1 hour silence then came 2.05 and 2.075, then 1 hour silence again, came bidder A with 2.125 directly. Then the broker called us with bidder A as winner.
The bidding process was nothing exciting but slow and calm. The luck of godess is on our side again this time. We make it before the market react to the higher interest from Swedish government which might followed by economy crash anytime. Also, according to the broker, we break the record of the price in the area! It’s probably pure luck but we tend to believe that it was our effort, cleaning work and decoration that draw us as close as all the lucky chance we can reach.
Highly appreciate all the help and support from our dear friends and families, especially our current and future neighbours/close friends (yes we are moving to friends 100% only XD)
Day2 Easter Holiday!
We went hiking with friend living with us together with out current neighbour. We didn’t reach the goal due to heavy snow in the forest, however, we reached the fun as expected. After that me and Philip just played dota2 rest of the day. It was really long time ago I killed time of my life to just play computer game. Probably last time was last autumn before I traveled to Taiwan.
We went hiking with hakka friends. Started by grilling lunch and I let my friend try the wild style by cutting dead tree with knife to make stick for grilling sausage. Short hiking in the middle of trip and ended by snowball fighting. After that me and Philip played 2 dota games and then I baked cookies with neighbour for Taiwan tea time holding as my place tomorrow. It was 2.5 years ago we gathered at someone’s place. Now that I’m selling my apartment, it shall be nice to show people our ‘‘new apartment’’ before we move out. Since we bought right before corona came, we didn’t get chance to gather at my place.
Somehow I wanna have a ‘‘moving out’’ party while everyone only have moving in party. I want to thank this wonderful apartment and have a nice good-bye for it. I feel that I don’t even get enough time to really make this apartment a true home deep in my mind. We are just still at the phase of appreciating how beautiful and cozy it is and how perfect this area and location is.
‘‘Life is good now.’’ saying Philip everyday recently.
‘‘Problem in me has come to the end and I don’t even imagine how to solve it.’’ Said I last night lying on the bed. Yes, I’m pretty close to the dead end of all the problems I’ve tried so hard to solved whole of my life for 29 years. And right now I have1 year left before 30, and there is a life changing decision I made right on my 29 birthday — — buying a house. It’s like binding telephone contract of life for 10–15 years.
I don’t know how life could be at least things look pretty positive. The friends we are moving to will be very important persons in our life or especially for me. They are Philip’s classmates so they are very very close friends and even colleagues already. But for me it’s like in old times people engage with someone you don’t know much and promise a life to each other — — that’s kind of how I feel now and I’m not confident enough still to play my role well on this stage.
I’m worrying if they would like me as a person. I’m losing my personality recently due to huge stress for whole month. I couldn’t focus on everything for example in volleyball game or training, I just have no motivation to care things and people around me at all.
I’ve gained so much energy from travel in Taiwan and I used it up directly in 2 months. It was not easy at all and I’m definitely too unexperienced to keep calm and carry on. I just rid in a wrecked ship, reaching goal successfully and distressed at the same time. I totally know that I planed my schedule fully already before this came. The house thing just laid the last draw to crush me down but I didn’t pass the depression line this time amazingly. I’m not depressed just overstressed and unmotivated. I doubt myself in many ways cauz I lost my words. However, I kind of believe that I’m standing in a wrong position, playing wrong drama on a wrong stage. This sign comes from energy consuming result of most of activities I take part in daily life. I don’t gain energy from things right now but only draining from storage. I went bankrupt basically. Do humans have an energy bank somewhere inside brain or heart? Can I buy it from some shops in the spiritual universe?
At least I got money to take driving licence ten times more lol Thanks goddess I went bankrupt spiritually only.
Oh well if you see me from the side, I have a really good life and I’m aware of it fully. My nature of getting tired of things I used to love is driving me move forward but also kind of killing me softly. Recently I’ve been having no awareness of sleeping quality. I just sleep deeply since I’m super tired after busy mind in daytime and wake up not having mind to check if I’m getting enough sleep or not. So yes, I shall go to sleep now. But I want to be awaken to see and to live in this world just a bit longer. We human body is quite simple sometimes. Some chemicals can fuck up or make up a person easily and I guess it could just be the lack of sleeping time that has deleted my motivation slowly.
So good night, I shall go to sleep.
Today I hold a Taiwan afternoon tea time at home. We were 9 people which is quite good since I don’t have so many chairs right now. It was nice to update life situation with friends.
Gapping void, is a word I learned from my sister today when we had a nice chat. It was long time ago we chatted because both of us were very busy and were under high pressure at the same time this whole month. We shared what we have done, how we felt and survived during this period. Maybe that’s the only thing I’ve done to gain energy recently. It felt like we’re healing each other. She is in quarantine at home in Taiwan now so I guess we’ll have quite some time to talk which is nice. I like our relation at present.
Mom cut her hair short finally in agree with Dad. He always love her long hair so she got to cut a short style that doesn’t look like a man this time. She was taking a walk with her sister when we called.
My precious childhood friend read my diary and said that she could still see child me in the texts that I’m still me. This make me really feel envy that most of Swedish people have their childhood friend as closest friend whole of life. It’s like childhood friends know how they were when soul was pure, naive and original.
Ate a hot instant Korean noodle, felt so gooood. 很辣但吃得很爽！
We took a nice walk outside today. It’s great weather with sunshine and 10 degree. First we went to BurgerKing to buy some french fries and then juice and ice coffee at ICA. This is the most luxury walk we have had by eating and drinking delicious. Feels like walking in Taiwan market.
This morning I got a message from a friend. She told that she is about to start a new ig account for improving social media life. And by going through friend list she found that I was not following her, therefore, she believed that I stopped following her somehow sometime before so probably I’m not caring about her anymore which is pure misunderstanding. The truth is that I never follow anyone actively in ig since I don’t even use it as social media. I opened account when I was traveling in Kuwait with school and people there don’t have fb so I must have it just to contact there. Until now I’m still using fb mostly as friends in Sweden use fb more often than ig in my daily life.
It was surprised for me that this can make her believe that I don’t deem her as friend anymore. It’s a pity that she must feel very bad right now since we are actually quite good life-time friends from my perspective. And in the end it became as what I expected, she saw my explanation and realised it was just a misunderstanding. I told her that I would never unfriend her as a life-time friend and promised a phone call tonight.
I talked with sister again today. She recommended me a Netflix documentary called Minimalism. I was expecting to see more opinion about how a person shall live a daily life by simplify their routine and relationship, finding balance between work and private life. But the documentary talks most about stop consuming things we don’t actually need — — the material part of simplification is not the level of problem I have since whole of my life live quite simple material life already compared to the American dream nowadays. I buy mostly second hand stuffs/furnitures/clothes and only purchase when I feel right and suit together with awareness of being environment friendly.
When world comes to the end. It will not only be about personal choice anymore but environment will go first as priority of value.
What I’m out and search for is the minimalism of living a simple life, holding simple relation with people, having a simple mindset. It doesn’t mean that I only want few friends and few stuffs. I do love to have many friends and many hobbies, stuffing my daily routine with full plans just for achieving a fun life. I’m looking for a perfect spiritual principle of managing life in my style.
Idea is virus. You can plant it easily in someone’s brain by simply sending some texts or voices.
I don’t feel comfortable to explain thought and perspective in front of everyone around me sometimes. That’s one of things I’m working on. Not so important but on progress. Since I don’t need to look perfect in front of those people I don’t feel comfortable with anyway so it’s fine to take time.
Texts are so much more calm and confident than speaks. I shall not stop writing after this chapter ends. I just need inspirations.
I skipped volleyball training for practicing car driving with my Swedish twins Annie. I’m still amazed how kind she is to share her private time to practice with me as a busy person. Of course Philip my partner is also highly credited since he follows everytime to practice. Never forget and stop appreciating people around you especially close one. And when you’re in good condition, try to give back in any kind of way. Even to pass down the kindness you recieve from someone to another is great idea.
Somehow I followed the elite and man division 2 teams to a meeting with Teamsport for negociating cooperation in the future by sponsoring training/match clothes/shoes. I have no idea what kind of expectation women division 2 is aiming at actually since we’re still quite small group compared to elite team. I’ve played a lot of basketball in team in university and I kept doubting culture of purchasing different match/training clothes to every new season. I got like 5 matches clothes in the closet without using anymore. I like the match cloth we have right now at least, much better than the one they offer. Also, I haven’t make up my mind if I’ll stay in indoor volleyball or beach volleyball yet. I must let go one of them to achieve a better balance of daily life. There’s no hurry to make decision, we’ll see after we move into the new house. I would like to have more time with neighbour like a casual dinner after work.
Today I worked in office because friend over pumped bike and tire exploded so we brought bike by car to city center for repairing. It feels quite good to be here and chat with colleagues. It’s a nice day.
For the first time I feel motivated this month. Finally I’m back from all the stress alive. I didn’t pass the line of depression which means I’m getting better in handling stress since I came back from Taiwan, I’ve grown up. Good job Annie*Anni.
I was planning to skip indoor volley tonight and asked current neighbour to sing kareoke until I got inviation to actually ‘‘play’’ beach volley. I don’t even remember when was last time I played just for fun, maybe 1 year ago since I joined indoor team.
As usual, I NEVER say no to play beach volleyball, I’m glad I didn’t change at this part despite exhaustion from over training. The players are from my training group this spring which gave me a bit more hope to stay movitation and passion toward beach volleyball. The biggest change I made was according to spiritual talks with my dear sister. She’ve been sharing many good tips to relax and release stress recently. There’re many methods to achieve the goal, meanwhile, the most important principle is ‘‘to slow down’’.
To just slow down every step. Sounds easy right? So instead of rushing from work, grabing some simple food, and biking at top speed to IKSU. I chose to spend 30 minutes more to get myself prepared — — change clothes, brush teeth, tie my blue hair, then I chose to run instead of bike to the gym. It was 1 year ago I actually ran for training. The weather was perfect, warm and bright. That’s when I realized how much temperature effect my body and brain, probably to be in the coldness take already 80% of my energy therefore I felt so unmotivated all the time.
I came to the gym 15 minutes before 7 pm, much earlier then I usually do. I played super good, relaxed, laughing with joy and energetic even though legs were quite finished I still ran all the way back home, passed by supermarket to buy some mouth watering treats like pinapple juice, summer limited fresh cabage and sweetpotatos.
Some laughs help, too. We watched a talk show recommended also by my sister called Ali Wong. She’s quite amazing at raising self conscious and self-evaluation of women. The lastest one was released on 2022/02. She talked about eager to cheat on her man and envy of single people quite a lot in the show and to be surprised or not, she divorced last week.
I really wanna know the details of that to cook relationship philosophy materials but guess she won’t tell much to protect the last resort for her man and children since she has been utilizing them as materials in the talk show. But it is interesting to see her challenge the limit of a human being’s moral as a successful woman, wife and mother.
It is interesting to see how her children will be when they grow up. Maybe they get smashed by society maybe they gain strongest mind and become more open minded even surpass their parents.
It is intersting to see how human beings will elove in our brain by education of civilization, not natural selection from now on.
I got only half day’s work to do so I stayed at home. Sister called me again, she showed me a writing play that she did with parents last weekend. Inspired by website Writing for relexation. It’s a great idea to design a writing game to encourage people want to keep a habit of writing. But the games in the site are quite similar so I only tried one. The main purpose of writing games are mostly to get aware of things are in your mind in the moment. According my parent’s results, it looks quite helping especially for my mother who is stressed by work in hospital often. By this game, she realized again that she carries unnecessary responsibilities again even during her half retired life. I appreciated my sister to help parents improve themselves all the time, she’s simply the best.
As for me, we did a game by grabbing a random book, poking in the pages and choosing words randomly. Then we develop feelings we have towards those three words and started writing down, shared, and end up with composing a short poem. I don’t have any book at home, only found a Swedish recipe from someone in the Christmas that I used to decorate my kitchen according to the tips of stylist when we were taking photos of apartment.
I got Cold water, Apple slices, and Scale. Yeah, so random that it sounds like a French apple pie is coming, yum.
Hence, I barely got inspirations from the writing time but it’s fine because my family got, and that’s more important.
Day 9 Friday
My goal today is to apply a new job from Transportation of Sweden. As a landscape architect in this tiny tiny town, there’re barely job opportunities, in my observation, 1.5 comes per 2 years in 6.5 years so around four in total and I got one of them 3.5 years ago. I had a chance to get one in municipality but my boss rejected it for me lol. He said it’s not so fun to join word of municipality too early as a landscape architect, you become kind of an administrator.
The main reason I apply is half for just to apply and take a look into new opportunity, the other half is because my boss has left us and I feel the future is unstable with the workload which is mostly extremely uneven between colleagues. Me often have too little work to do, last week when we sold the apartment, I got literally nothing to do for the first time. As a consult you need to report time of working for clients therefore it’s quite clear how much work or profit you have generate. Not like you gonna get fired it’s most like boredom and stress from my busy Asian mindset could kill me sometimes when you get stuck in office and your colleagues working, laughing and having so much fun besides. I’ve spent 2 years to get used to it. It was pretty painful before corona came and saved me by working from home. That’s the main reason I appreciated corona so much and it gave me even chance to work in Taiwan.
Not like I have high chance to get the job or interview, it’s just good to keep my own profile updated once in couple years and review my experience from projects. I’ll follow where destiny leads me in journey of life.
A calm Saturday morning. That’s what I desire for today. A cup of coffe, writing diary by mac on soffa, listening to music and sing. Then came my nighbour and asked if I wanna join her shopping in the north so she left her cat at my home and we biked there together.
Later on I kept on my chill Saturday with a nice lunch. Then came my neighbour again and asked/forced me and friend to play Dota2. She’s quite into the computer game recently lol. Of course we lost since my skill can’t carry 2 begininers at same time.
The main activity today was to have a hotpot dinner at friend M’s place and she gonna introduce her new girlfriend A to our group. The dinner was great with lots of laugh and joy during the chat and some party games. Thanks to the game Code my name and kind friends that my friend C seemed to have much fun this time, he became kind of center of attention in the party =) Key words: Internet, pillow, charger, Mexico, senator. Also the joke about Jesus respawn from the founten in Easter is epic.
I slept at 2:00 and woke up at 13:43. Enough sleep is nice. Then my twins Annie asked if I wanna practice driving today so we decided to meet at city center, eating ice cream in this sunny Sunday first.
After driving we invited Philip’s sister Carro for a dinner since her birthday is tomorrow. I failed first cake in the early efternoon because we were in a hurry to city center, therefore I rebaked a new Japanese light cheese cake together with dishes fried chicken, pakcho, and sparris.
It was half year ago we acutally had a gathering. Our working schedules are totally different and all of us get volleyball training most of days in a week. We had a nice discussion about life, society and open relationship. As usual they love Asien sponge cake so much more then Swedish cake bottom even though it’s just peice of cake in my eye. Japanese light cheese cake is the only one I bake since it’s my favorit cake. I made it into Swedish style to match their taste by adding wisp cream and many fresh berries.
My friend lives with us is going to travel today for the first time since he came. My main task today is to attend future plan and idea of apartment yard. However, I’m gonna move away from this area soon, to attend this meeting become more like an extra experience as a landscape architect not as a resident anymore.
Are people actually stupid or not? I’m not sure.
I went for the meeting of garden. I told them sadly I’m moving away so I can’t help with drawings anymore since I’ll be super busy before summer time. All the ladies were so into to grill house otherwise that they hope I can design the area.
Both of indoor volleyball trainers hade a long talk with me in training yesterday. They asked me about how I feel about the season and in the end I promised that I’ll stay in the team for next season. They said I got so much potential in volleyball as a girl. Italien coach said my jump is too high that the block become bad right now lol. But if I learn to use it as a strenth, I’ll definitely out play most of girls in the sport. And I finally told German coach that I’m a soft person so all I need is just soft, constructive feedback and I’m consious enough in brain to deal with it myself.
So, that’s it. Diary of blue-haired Annie Chapter 3 ends here. I haven’t decide how to start new chapter of next diary section yet. We can start with a glaze at coming stories below — —
Day 1 Flying to Stockholm
Listening to music I’ve been waiting for you. I feel like…..really missing the time when I played in a band as bass player, my ears still search for bass sounds when I listen to music, then I come up with a new little dream in life: If I’m gonna marry sometime, I want to play this kind of lovely song as a bass player, Philip’s sister sing with other friends together.
Day 2 Sakura/Paradox museeum/bubble milk tea&beaf noodle
Day 3 Trampoline/Mio Birthday
Day 4 Valborg/King/Forest Walk/Majbrasa
Day 5 Lunch in big house/Farewell
A lot of reflections, a lot of flash back, a lot of fun, a lot of memories. Together we are a big, international and happy family. How lucky I am.
Day 6 I passed driving licence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!God oh God, gonna party everyday for this.
Diary of blue-haired Annie Chapter 3 ending. 20220503